Gottman Method Couples Therapy in San Diego & Online Across California
Some couples love each other and still can't stop having the same fight. The Gottman Method offers practical, research-based tools to calm conflict, repair after hard moments, and rebuild the friendship underneath it all.
- Dr. Jessica Ramesh, DMFT, LMFT, LPCC · Completed Level 3 Gottman Method training
- Based in San Diego, seeing couples online across California
Built From Decades of Studying Real Couples
The Gottman Method was developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman of The Gottman Institute from decades of research observing how couples talk, argue, and repair. Rather than starting from theory, it starts from what lasting couples actually do differently.
In therapy, that turns into concrete skills: how to bring up a complaint without starting a fight, how to recognize when you're too flooded to keep talking, how to repair after things go wrong, and how to keep friendship and affection alive when life gets busy. Many couples appreciate that it gives them something specific to practice between sessions.
The Four Horsemen and Their Antidotes
The Gottmans identified four communication patterns that predict trouble when they become habits. The good news: each one has an antidote you can learn. Read more from The Gottman Institute.
Criticism
Attacking your partner's character instead of naming a specific need.
Antidote: Gentle start-up: describe what happened and what you need, starting with “I.”
Contempt
Eye-rolling, sarcasm, mockery: speaking from a place of superiority.
Antidote: Building a culture of appreciation and respect, on purpose, every day.
Defensiveness
Counter-attacking or playing the innocent victim when a complaint comes up.
Antidote: Taking responsibility for even a small part of the problem.
Stonewalling
Shutting down and withdrawing when you feel flooded.
Antidote: Physiological self-soothing: pausing, calming your body, then coming back.
The Sound Relationship House
The Gottmans describe a healthy relationship as a house built in levels, held up by two walls: trust and commitment. When something feels off, we look at which level needs attention.
Not every couple needs every level. Some are strong friends who can't handle conflict; others fight well but have drifted apart. Therapy focuses on what your relationship actually needs.
Explore the Sound Relationship House at The Gottman Institute
Love maps
Knowing your partner's inner world: their worries, hopes, and history.
Fondness and admiration
Expressing appreciation and respect out loud.
Turning toward
Noticing and responding to each other's small bids for connection.
The positive perspective
Giving each other the benefit of the doubt.
Managing conflict
Handling solvable problems and living with the ones that keep coming back.
Making life dreams come true
Understanding the dreams behind each other's positions.
Creating shared meaning
Building the rituals, roles, and values your relationship stands on.
Gottman Tools, With Emotionally Focused Depth
I'm trained in both the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT is usually at the center of my work: understanding the attachment needs and emotional cycle beneath your conflict. Gottman tools come in when you want structure, like a clear way to raise hard topics, take breaks without abandoning each other, and repair afterward. I compare the two side by side in EFT vs. Gottman Method.
Together, they help you change both how you feel with each other and what you actually do in the hard moments. More about couples therapy.
When Families Are Part of the Fight
The Gottmans found that many conflicts are perpetual: they come from lasting differences in personality, values, or upbringing, and the goal is to talk about them well rather than “solve” them. For intercultural couples and children of immigrants, those differences often show up around parents and in-laws, money and family obligation, or what showing love is supposed to look like.
As a second-generation Filipino American therapist, I understand those pulls from the inside. We can work with them without asking either of you to choose between your partner and your family. Therapy for Asian Americans.
My Training
- Trained in the Gottman Method, with Level 3 training completed.
- Trained in Emotionally Focused Couples (EFCT), Individual (EFIT), and Family (EFFT) Therapy, and currently pursuing certification in all three with ICEEFT.
- Doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy (DMFT); licensed in California as an LMFT and LPCC.
Cost & Insurance
Couples sessions are $200 for 50 minutes, online by secure video. Coverage for couples therapy varies from plan to plan, and many couples choose to pay privately. Superbills are available for out-of-network benefits.
Fees & insurance detailsQuestions About Gottman Method Therapy
Common questions from couples considering this approach
No. I've completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method, which is advanced clinical training in the approach. Certification is a separate, longer process. I'm upfront about this because you deserve to know exactly what training your therapist has.
The Gottman Method gives couples practical, research-based tools for conflict, repair, and friendship. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) works with the attachment needs and emotional cycle underneath the conflict. I'm trained in both. EFT is usually at the center of my couples work, and I bring in Gottman tools when structure and skills will help.
Yes. All my sessions are held online by secure video for couples located in California. Partners can join from the same room or from separate locations, which can help when schedules or living situations differ.
It depends on what you're working on and how long the patterns have been in place. Many couples meet weekly at first, then space sessions out as things improve. We'll check in regularly about progress and what you need.
Most sessions include both partners. Sometimes I'll meet with each of you individually to understand your perspectives more fully, and we'll talk about how that works before we start.
Couples sessions are $200 for 50 minutes. I'm in-network with Aetna, Anthem Blue Cross, Blue Shield of California, Carelon Behavioral Health and Cigna / Evernorth, but coverage for couples therapy varies from plan to plan, and many couples choose to pay privately. If you have out-of-network benefits, I can provide a superbill you can submit for possible reimbursement.
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